system error

[I'm here] Still [, through] deleting [I'm here]. Still editing the hell out of words not quite my own. Still trying to own up to myself.

Still trying to negotiate several different personalities within - find them their own langugages, ways of expression. Still looking for [naivete deleted]. Still self-censoring in a way that seems ingrained too deeply. A fine line between quality/damage control and plain old choking on other's expectations.

Still fighting my way against things, because fighting seems to be the only way to get me to actually care. Negative motivation is still motivation. Negative stimulation is still stimulation. You fight, you get tired, exhaustion creeping - you want some more?

[Hell yeah.]