I started working (thesis - adorations :p )

I started working. Couldn't tell you why
just as I couldn't tell you why I wasn't.
I feel another shifting of the scales.
They're deep within me. Blotting out of fear
(what was I fearing?) balanced out by pleasure
mindless and soothing. So I ate some sweets,
watched House M.D., bought chocolate yoghurt
went to see friends. Here I am, at work,
striving near frantically, making up the stretch
of "wasted time". But the tipping point
was not, for which thanks, breaking point of me.

Who set up the scales?
Don't know this. But still
I am, will remain
yours and devoted, intrepid and bright,
("brilliant but lazy" - was the diagnosis
of unenlightened) academic rockstar.
Who - right about now - works with all her might.

I started working. And, well, who cares - why?
(I care - fortunately
My dance card is busy :)