we've always had this 'two lost souls' feeling to us. our fishbowls connected periodically and it was there, in a look, a gaze, a long, calculating stare. `we knew each other in just that way - cold comfort of "I'm lost, too", a hand stroking an arm in the middle of Pink Floyd-flavoured darkness.
We've used each other in just that way, and didn't realize that until later - when we couldn't look each other in the eyes.
Now it's a long climb back, which neither of us has strength for. We're both tired, or maybe we both like showing tired faces to one another. There are other people, less worn out by mutual abuse, damage done by distraction and unconscious actions. There are other people, trying to connect. And we periodically meet and look each other in the glass, and regret.
Why do i feel like something of mine is left with you? something little, inconsequential maybe, but - vital, something I can't be parted from, and even if I could - even consider it - you keep showing back, like a stray cat, to be fed, petted and let go. And I let go, when I don't - want to. And I don't know what to do with you; if you come back, if you don't.
Stray kindness doesn't do it for me anymore. What would do? no idea. Don't want to leave all this to you, but
I feel helpless, like action is beyond me, arms cut off, eyes blinking slowly, waiting for your move.
we've always had this old, lost feeling. what if it's not there, anymore? what do we want instead?
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